Do you ever get the feeling when you in the gym and your in "zone"? I mean you just block everything out around you and just focus on you? that how I kind felt today. I mean three set people trying get my attention today and I was so in my "zone" that I didn't even see them until after they walk off. It felt bad that I didn't see them right away and I wasn't trying be a bitch or anything I was just in my "zone". Even though I was in "zone" today with my workout I wasn't putting in 110% I was only putting 85% in I guess because I have alot going in my mind. I spend most of morning and afternoon on the phone with my insurance company with the car accident I was in last month, and doesn't help that my back been hurting off and on. I feel great after see the chiropractor than day or too later it get tight again. That probably why I only put in 85% today b/c I been so distracted worrying about this stupid accident and everything that I have been worried about. I hate it!
My heart been feeling heavy :( I just trying remain positive and keep smiling but its been hard at times. I sometimes feel I lost friend and I can't even talk to them anymore even though I see them everyday. Something change with us and we aren't the same person we were a month ago. I know they have alot on there plate .. shit we all do! but it just feel like we aren't close anymore. Its like they don't even care about me or what going on. They say they do but part me just doesn't believe it. Or maybe I just care alot more for them than they do for me which usual the case. Sometimes I wonder if I should say something or just keep quiet because it make worse and maybe they wont understand b/c they have all there all problems to deal with. I don't want bring drama b/c I honest have alot respect for them but it's hard when I feel like this friendship is so one side. I mean I want be there for them and be able hang out but it just seem like they don't have the time for that. I guess I should stop caring for people so much and opening my heart to people. The thing is I was taught you don't do that you put yourself second and help that person the best way you can b/c that what friends are for and they will see later down road that you were there for them at most critical point in their life and when they needed the you the most. They may never return favor and maybe they will but at least you know in your heart you did best you could do help them out when they need you. My grandmother would be proud of me but sometimes I need learn grow back bone and not have people take advantage of my kindness. Ill just take one day at times for now and just push my feeling aside b/c honestly that all I can do b/c I really don't know what else to do or say.
 |
| weighing a heavy heart is never easy... |
No comments:
Post a Comment